KOTLC Reacts to Famous Humans
by EmeraldPiggily
Summary: The Kotlc characters react to famous humans(this might go a little crazy)
1. Michael Phelps

KOTLC Reacts to Famous Humans

**This might go a little crazy**

**Michael Phelps**

Michael Phelps: So why am I here?

Me: So you can stop flexing your puny muscles in front of all your "fans"

Michael Phelps: Hey, I bet I'm stronger than you.

Me: *Shoves table across room* DID YOU SAY YOU WERE STRONGER THAN ME? HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME THE ALMIGHTY!

Keefe: *Pulls sleeve back and flexes his muscles* AND ME!

Fitz: What about me? I'm also strong.

Me: Keep telling yourself that.

Michael Phelps: You still haven't answered my question.

Me: If you give me mallowmelt, I'll tell you.

Michael Phelps: Never mind.

Sophie: Who are you anyway?

Michael Phelps: You don't know me?! I'm Michael Phelps, one of the fastest swimmers in the world!

Me: What he means is that he's just some irrelevant human.

Dex: Oh humans, such overrated beasts.

Michael Phelps: You know you're talking about yourself, right?

All KOTLC characters: *burst out laughing* You think WE are _humans_?

Michael Phelps: What else?

Me: We're not really allowed to tell you.

Michael Phelps: What do you mean?

Me: You know, you can give me some mallowmelt, and then all your questions will be answered.

Michael Phelps: How do you know all my questions will be answered?

Me: I know because you'll never give me any mallowmelt because you don't even know what it is. *sobs because I won't get any mallowmelt*

Michael Phelps: Guys, if you don't tell me what's going on, I'm calling the police.

Linh: The what?

Me: I'd like to see you try

Michael Phelps: *grabs phone out and dial 911* Help me, a bunch insane weirdos kidnapped me and I am about to DIE!

Dex: *rolls eyes* So dramatic

Me: You realize you're talking to a banana, right?

Michael Phelps: No, it's called a cell phone you-*glances at phone and realizes it's a banana* WHERE DID MY PHONE GO? IF ANYONE STOLE IT THEY CAN FIND THE EMBARRASSING PICTURE OF ME IN AN INFLATABLE PIG COSTUME WITH A PRINCESS CROWN AND THEY'LL KNOW MY PARENTS STILL CALL ME POOCHIE WOOCHIE SCOOCHIE TOOCHIE FLOOCHIE BEAR AND THAT I HAVE AN OBSESSION WITH SPARKLES-*Stops because he realizes we are all staring at him*

Biana: I like sparkles too!

Keefe: You'll never hear the end of Poochie Woochie Scoochie Toochie Floochie Bear

Me: I need to see that photo *phone appears out of thin air*

Michael Phelps: Hey, that's mine! And you know there's a password you need to put in before you can access it.

Dex: Human technology is so easy to bypass *gets into the phone in less than a second*

Me: Just a heads up, the photo's going into your insta account. #Poochie Woochie Scoochie Toochie Floochie Bear!

Michael Phelps: You kids really know how to torture someone *glances at watch* I really need to go, I have a meeting at eleven

Ro: With me? *Flashes a smile as she picks her teeth with her dagger*

Sophie: *Turns to me* By the way, you still haven't told us who you are.

Me: Oh, I'm not sure you want to know.

Tam: Why, is it because you're on the Neverseen?

Me: Nah, it's because I'm a fangirl here to ruin your mallowmelt filled lives.

Linh: Is everything you do revolve around mallowmelt?

Me: No duh.

Dex: Why do I have a feeling that you're going to turn into a monster and kill us all?

Me: You just gave me an idea *turns into a flying pig*

Sophie: Take cover! My new and improved inflicting skills will protect us

Me: Not if I turn you into a cookie *Turns Sophie into a gigantic cookie*

Biana: It has sparkles!

Sophie/Talking cookie: Biana! Don't you dare to eat me

Michael Phelps: Since I'm obviously the only mature one here-

Everyone in the universe: *cough cough cough*

Michael Phelps: SHUT UP! Mommyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, these people are bullying me!

Sophie/Talking cookie: Could you please turn me back into Sophie Foster before Fitz over here eats me?

Fitz: Huh? I wasn't doing anything. I was just, you know, realizing that this spot on the cookie is comfortable to rest my hand on.

Me: *snaps fingers and Sophie turns back into Sophie* Never underestimate ME THE ALMIGHTY

Linh: Honey, are you okay?

Me: Is anyone?

Linh: Good point.

Ro: I'm also filled with good points, in fact, I'm filled with many sharp points, sharp points in my mouth that are called my teeth that are begging me to bite this fangirl if she won't get us out of here.

Me: Watch who you are threatening, Romahild, you don't want to see what I can do *Stomps on ground*

Fitz: Stop it, you made me pee in my pants!

Me: See what I can do?

Keefe: Foster, this is the time where I say that you're too good for someone whose underwear is filled with his own urine and turn your attention to _moi_.

Sophie: Keep dreaming

Ro: Ooh, I've never seen anyone make him make that face except mommy and daddy dearest

Sophie: To make you feel better, Fitz is equally as bad as you

Michael Phelps: I thought this conversation was about me

Keefe: Dude, sometimes, you just have to learn that the world doesn't revolve around you.

Me: Because it revolves around Mallowmelt!

Tam: This again.

Me: So, I was wondering, who here likes Mr. Phelps? *Patiently waits as no one raises their hand*

Michael Phelps: I really don't get it, I mean how can anyone not like me? *points to self and realizes that he's back in his inflatable pig costume* YOU RUINED MY EGO!

Me: Now, who likes me? *No one except Linh raises their hand*

Tam: Linh, you are too nice, sometimes you just have to face the truth.

Me: *Sinks to my knees* WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY? WHAT DID I EVER DO TO THIS WRETCHED WORLD? KJLKEJLMORHEWIUEHMRIUWEIORTLHLAHKLJHLKJHKLHIPHIUFHEIUPWUHEMHCRMIEUWHIUQH!(Also know as a fangirl's screech)

*Everyone secretly leaves so they don't have to endure my never ending temper tantrum*

**By the way, I actually do like Michael Phelps but I had to support my fellow "friends." **

**Please review! I don't really have a good reason but who cares, review!**


	2. J K Rowling

**J. K. Rowling**

**I'm assuming J. K. Rowling has read KOTLC, because if she didn't...**

Tam: _You_ again?

Keefe: Oh lord, kill me now.

Me: Nice to see you guys too! Let's just forget everything that happened with Mr. Phelps

Sophie: Fat chance

Me: *Grabs Sophie by the collar* If you learned anything from the time we are not supposed to speak about, you know not to disobey my orders.

Linh: Yes ma'am.

J. K. Rowling: Hey, aren't you guys those elves from that stupid book?

Me: *cheeks turn very red* DID YOU SAY STUPID BOOK? MAYBE MY FRIENDS HERE CAN TEACH YOU WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT!

Fitz: Yeah, leave her alone, she made me pee in my pants *cries*

J. K. Rowling: Uhh… She's just another annoying child who can only yell. But as I was saying, Shannon Messenger hasn't sold as many copies of her book as me.

Keefe: We tried to warn you.

Me: *Grows bigger* YOU… YOU… YOU DARE INSULT THE BEST BOOK EVER? *Spends the next day screaming in J. K. Rowling's face then turns J. K. Rowling into broccoli *

Sophie: Seriously, is broccoli the best you could come up with?

Me: It was instinct!

Tam: I need to pee

Keefe: I'm starving, can we go? You've already tortured our eardrums for a day.

Fitz: What's broccoli?

Keefe: Well if you had eyes, that thing *points to J. K. Rowling/broccoli*

Fitz: I have eyes, in fact I have very beautiful teal eyes, that Sophie is in love with *dreamily sighs*

Biana: Those are MY eyes!

J. K. Rowling/broccoli: Can I return to my original form?

Me: Only if you repeat after me

J. K. Rowling/broccoli: Fine *mutters about stupid children*

Me: EXCUSE ME? I AM FAR FROM STUPID.

J. K. Rowling/broccoli: Yeesh, get some thick skin

Me: I have made the decision to keep you in broccoli form for the rest of your life

J. K. Rowling/broccoli: No, no, no, I'll say what you say

Me: Oh great and fearless queen,

Linh: Who are you talking to?

Me: SHE'S SUPPOSED TO REPEAT AFTER ME, REMEMBER?

Linh: Right.

J. K. Rowling/broccoli: Oh great and fearless queen, SHE'S SUPPOSED TO REPEAT AFTER ME, REMEMBER?

Me: Watch it, broccoli lady, one more false step, your done. And don't try to repeat these two sentences either.

Dex: *Stage whispers* This lady has some serious anger issues

Me: *Stares at Dex until it gets very awkward* Let's start over. Oh great and fearless queen, I swear on my mallowmeltless life, that the Keeper of the Lost Cities is the best book ever.

J. K. Rowling: Oh great and fearless queen, I swear on my mallowmeltless life, that the Keeper of the Lost Cities is the best book ever.

Me: Your wonderful, amazing, superb, awesome, marvelous, magnificent, glorious, and sublime majesty, I beg you, to release me from my broccoli restraints.

J. K. Rowling: Your wonderful, amazing, I forgot the rest of the adjectives that don't apply to you majesty, make me back into me.

Me: Close enough *snaps fingers and J. K. Rowling returns back to her*

Fitz: Does anyone else realize that these two psychopaths over here are saying that we are characters from a book?

Dex: Yeah, I'm way too important to be from a book.

Tam: I'm sorry, but who are you again?

Dex: *sighs* I'm the king of the ogres

Keefe: Dude, you're way too scrawny to even be the king of the gnomes, and anyway, King Dimitar is the king of the ogres.

Dex: Great, you know a stupid ogre that has said less words to you than me, the great "scrawny nobody"

Linh: You're not a nobody, you're um… um… Deck, right?

Tam: My dear sister, remember when we talked about being _too_ nice?

Biana: Guys, sparkle time was supposed to happen, like, _three _whole seconds ago. If I don't get my daily dose of sparkles, I will slowly wither away and become like you pathetic and boring people. *sobs*

J. K. Rowling: So, while you are all blabbering about random stuff, can I go?

Biana: WE ARE MOURNING FOR MY LOSS OF SPARKLES TODAY! HAVE SOME RESPECT AND SHUT THAT IGNORANT MOUTH OF YOURS!

Sophie: Honestly, she might be more insane than that annoying fan girl over there.

Me: NO ONE IS MORE INSANE THAN ME!

Sophie: That was supposed to be a compliment.

Biana: DOES ANYONE CARE ABOUT SPARKLES?! *rages and throws a pocket full of glitter at everyone*

**Everyone explodes and starts throwing random stuff at each other. Meanwhile, J. K. Rowling sneaks out the door and then finds that there is no door then sneaks out the window.**

Me: SILENCE! WE ARE HERE TO INTOGGERATE MRS. ROWLING!

Fitz: Uh… she's not even here anymore

Me: CURSE YOU WRETCHED SOULS


	3. George Washington

**George Washington(Yes, he came back from the dead)**

George Washington: Huh, this is weird. Why is the last thing I remember is of me dying? Am I in heaven?

Fitz: What's heaven? And why did you die?

Me: *croaks* Ah, he's just some guy who died about two centuries ago.

Keefe: Huh, it seems like Lady Yeller is being quite quiet today

Me: *In a raspy voice* It's your fault, you made me yell too much and now I have a sore throat.

Keefe: But I remember _you_ choosing to yell

Me: *as loud as possible(not very loud)* SHUT UP!

Tam: No offense, but that was quite pathetic

Sophie: Why doesn't Mr. Washington talk formally like the weirdos that lived in the 1700's?

Biana: You know him?

George Washington: Uh… is this what heaven is supposed to be like?

Me: Too many questions!

Keefe: Why is his hair white?

Me: *growls* One at a time!

Sophie: I thought people in the 18th century were supposed to talk formally

Me: WELL I'M TOO LAZY TO WRITE FORMALLY

Keefe: It seems like you can yell again

Fitz: Does anyone else know what they're talking about?

Me: Okay idiots, listen up. This is George Washington, the first president of the U.S., and a very brave general who served in the revolutionary war

Keefe: Why does he have a potbelly?

Me: Dude, just deal with the fact that not all generals have to have six-pack abs.

Sophie: I honestly think he's overrated

George Washington: Do you realize I heard that?

Linh: So polite even though he'd just been insulted.

Sophie: I mean, everyone always appreciates men over women. A woman general may have been better if they were even allowed to be a general. The only women who could serve in combat had to disguise themselves as men.

Fitz: But what if this Washington guy was secretly a woman?

Keefe: RIP HIS WIG OFF! RIP HIS WIG OFF!

Biana: How do you know it's a wig? If anyone knew, it should be me.

Keefe: He's secretly a girl, of course, he's wearing a wig.

George Washington: *realization hits him* Oh, I see. I turned into a girl in my afterlife.

Me: *Shakes head* These people are so stupid.

Tam: How did this conversation come to this?

Keefe: Because... *Rips wig off George Washington's head and his ponytail falls out* he's been hiding his true identity!

Biana: Take that, boys, your beloved General Washington has been a girl all this time!

Sophie: *Wrinkles face* You do realize that all men that live in his time period had long hair? You boys are so biased, just because someone has long hair doesn't mean he's a girl.

Fitz: Then take his shirt off!

Me: *Put hands to face* Help me out of this nightmare.

Tam: Why do I remember you trapping us into this room?

Me: *glares at Tam* I was forced too.

Linh: By who? I'll beat the person up.

Keefe: I can totally imagine that.

Me: By myself!

Linh: Am I supposed to beat you up now?

Me: DON'T YOU DARE!

Biana: At least we know you're still the same person.

George Washington: Excuse me, is there any other place in heaven that is not filled with irritating little children that I can go too?

Fitz: Why is he still talking about this heaven place? Don't you realize that we're going to be trapped in here forever until she's in a good mood?

George Washington: Well I guess I'll just sleep until she realizes that I'm in the wrong place.

Me: That's right, you _are _in the wrong place.

George Washington: See? I knew she would come around.

Me: According to my seating chart, you're supposed to be in that back corner, right next to Iggy's cage.

George Washington: Wait what? I think you've been mistaken…

Me: GO THERE RIGHT NOW!

George Washington: Okay… I guess on the bright side, it'll be a little more peaceful. *walks to Iggy's cage as Iggy farts in his face* WHAT THE DEVIL?! AM I IN HELL? I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG! FINE, MAYBE I WAS SECRETLY SPYING FOR THE BRITISH BUT THE AMERICANS STILL WON!

Sophie: *gasps* Traitor… This is how all men are like.

Linh: It would be really helpful if you could open the window right now. Oh wait, you took that out after J. K. Rowling escaped. Darn it.

Keefe: Help me! I'M FAINTING!

Sophie: Guys, we just made a breaking discovery. How could anything be more important than knowing about George Washington's treachery?!

Biana: What did you feed Iggy this time?

Keefe: If you don't do something in the next ten seconds, I will seriously pass out.

Sophie: HELLO? WHY DOES NO ONE CARE ABOUT HOW GEORGE WASHINGTON IS A RENEGADE?!

Keefe: WHY DOES NO ONE CARE THAT I'M ABOUT TO PASS OUT?!

Me: It seems like you guys can yell louder than me now. You must have learned from the best.*cough cough*

George Washington: Now I'm beginning to think I'm in heaven's zoo.

Fitz: Are you trying to imply that we are ANIMALS?

George Washington: It sure seems like it.

Linh: That's true, we're all super adorable and cute.

George Washington: That really wasn't what I meant.

Fitz: Did you hear that Sophie? I'm super adorable and cute. Now do you like me?

Keefe: Hey! She also called _me _adorable and cute too! She has to like me as much as you. *He and Fitz start arguing*

Sophie: *sigh* Welcome to my life.

Tam: Linh, this is what happens when you compliment those two.

George Washington: Do you, by any chance, have a sword here? Maybe if I kill myself again, I may end up anywhere else but here.

Biana: Sorry sir, that fangirl over there loves to torture us. You'll be stuck here as long as she sees fit.

Me: Uh-huh, but don't worry, this place is better than being trapped in a room with Iggy's fart.

Sophie: But we _are_ trapped in a room with Iggy's fart.

Me: Oh right, I had a gas mask to block out the smell so I forgot all about that.

Linh: So can we just wrap this up before anyone dies from A Very Bad Smell Syndrome?

Me: NO! Wait, maybe we can end this without me yelling for once!

Everyone: YES!

Me: PSYCHE! I WILL YELL TO YOUR EARDRUMS BURST! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

**REVIEW PEOPLE REVIEW! DON'T MAKE ME KIDNAP YOU AND HOLD YOU HOSTAGE UNTIL YOU REVIEW! (That's right, I know where you live)**


	4. Taylor Swift

**Taylor Swift**

Fitz: Why is there one extra person in this room?

Dex: Because last time you decided to keep me locked out of the room, remember?

Fitz: Oh, right, yeah, ha, I can't believe no one noticed that.

Linh: No, we noticed you weren't there, we just… uh…

Dex: Decided not to include me in you're meeting with whatever crazy dude the fangirl decided to pull off the street?

Keefe: Believe me, you were the lucky one.

Me: Hey! I didn't randomly pull people out of the street, I pulled them out of the tub of slime I forced them to bathe in for ten hours.

Taylor Swift: Yeah, and the slime smelled worse than my cat's doo doo.

Keefe: You own cats? Pah, loser. GULONS FOR LIFE!

Taylor Swift: Uhh… whatever a gulon is, I am sure that cats are a thousand times better.

Keefe: Nope, gulons are a million times better.

Me: PIGS ARE INFINITELY TIMES BETTER, OKAY? I'm glad that's settled.

Biana: But nothing beats sparkles, right?

Me: Keep dreaming, you'll never win that argument with me around.

Biana: Oh, Don't *pauses* You *pauses* DARE underestimate the awesomeness of sparkles.

Fitz: Whoa, I've never seen my sister this triggered before. Well except the time that Keefe hid all of her clothes and left her with a plain black outfit. Ha, you should've seen her face.

Tam: I really don't think this is the time to tease her.

Biana: Tam is right, *disappears and reappears holding Fitz by the collar* You should watch what you say, _dear_ Fitzy.

Taylor Swift: *starts singing* You need to calm down, you're being too loud, And I'm just like oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh (Oh)!

Sophie: Shut up, that song is so annoyingly catchy.

Me: *sings* You need to just stop, like can you just not, step on my gown, you need to calm down.

Biana: Gown?!

Dex: Don't get too excited, I don't think she's giving you a gown.

Biana: WHY NOT?! I AM AN INNOCENT LITTLE CHILD!

Keefe: Now that song is stuck in my head.

Me: Mission accomplished.

Linh: I should've known.

Taylor Swift: So… are you guys a T-Swift fan?

Fitz: T-Swift? Is that an ice-cream flavor? I want to try it!

Taylor Swift: No! That's me.

Fitz: Oh… he he.

Linh: Ooh, an awkward silence! I love awkward silences!

Tam: And you love everything else in the world.

Linh: True.

Biana: But you love sparkles the most of all, right?

Linh: Uhh… yeah…

Keefe: No, you love GULONS the most!

Me: NO, PIGS RULE THE WORLD!

Fitz: I want ice-cream!

Everyone: Huh?

Taylor Swift: Guys, let's just have a singing showdown to settle this dispute.

Me: That's not fair, just because god decided not to give my awesome voice a beautiful sound doesn't mean pigs are worse than those other things they mentioned.

Taylor Swift: The showdown didn't even start!  
Me: You're obviously going to win.

Keefe: You know you can cheat the system, right? You write this thing.

Biana: Shhhhhh… Don't give her ideas.

Me: *gasps* I'm offended, I would _never_ cheat.

Everyone in the whole entire world: *cough* *cough* *cough*

Me: You people are so mean.

Taylor Swift: Well, let's get this contest started. What should we sing? How about one of my biggest hits, "Shake it Off"!

Fitz: Wait, what are we shaking off? All the glitter Biana forced me to wear? YES! I VOTE YES!

Dex: Yeesh man, it's just a song title.

Linh: How does it go?

Taylor Swift: Drum roll…

Tam: Is that part of the song?

Sophie: No, just smack the table or something.

Keefe: Huh? *hits table* OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! My hand is red now!

Taylor Swift: Are all of you this stupid?

Me: What'd you expect? Smart teenagers? Well you got dumb teenagers.

Linh: Guys, she's joking, we're not dumb, we defeated the Neverseen, remember?

Me: You wish. And I was not joking.

Linh *speechlessly mumbles under her breath*

Taylor Swift: Anyway, back to my amazing song. *Pauses* 'Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play. And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate-

Linh: I think I should give the haters some therapy sessions.

Taylor Swift: QUIET! I'm trying to sing!

Linh: *sobs* I was just trying to be nice!

Tam: *gasps* You made my sister cry. You really should've thought about messing with the shadow boy.

Keefe: You really would sound like an idiot if you didn't talk in that passive-aggressive tone.

Tam: You ALWAYS sound like an idiot.

Fitz: Ooooh, Teefe for life!

Tam and Keefe: SHUT UP!

Fitz: See? Proof.

Taylor Swift: Excuse me people, but I have to FINISH MY SONG!

Me: With these people, you never will.

Taylor Swift: Oh yes I will. You don't know me.

Me: But I _do_ know me.

Taylor Swift: I meant me. As in me Taylor Swift.

Me: But I meant me! As in me, the best person in the whole entire world!

All the KOTLC characters: Yeah…

Biana: Watching them argue is like watching toddlers argue that B comes before A.

Fitz: But B does come before A.

Sophie: Honey, go back to preschool.

Keefe: You called him HONEY.

Sophie: Have you ever heard of sarcasm?

Keefe: But I'm your actual honey right?

Sophie: Are you trying to imply that you came from a beehive? Eww, no.

Taylor Swift: Hey… weren't we having a singing showdown?

Dex: Oh, wasn't that yesterday?

Taylor Swift: *mutters under breath* Idiots.

Me: Don't worry, we don't need a singing show down. We all knew that pigs were the best.

Linh: Yes we did!

Everyone else: Hey!

Linh: She made me say it!

*Everyone stares at her*

Linh: I'm not lying, she writes this thing, remember?

Keefe: Oh yeah, curse those stupid author powers.

Me: Your welcome, I know I am very awesome, and I will take applause now.

*Everyone purses their lips and looks down*

Me: *Turns on a clapping soundtrack and smiles in triumph*

Tam: You know, doing that won't hide the truth that you're simply not awesome.

Keefe: Yeah, and you know how much I hate to agree with Bangs Boy.

Biana: Ooh, Teefe!

Tam/Keefe: SHUT UP!

Taylor Swift: *shakes head* Teenagers are _so_ annoying.

Fitz: Who were you again?

Taylor Swift: Okay people, I may look super nice and good natured on camera, but I have anger issues, so if you people don't get me out of here in the next minute, I will explode.

Sophie: I wonder how that would look like. Maybe I can get it on camera.

Taylor Swift: *************Curse you STUPID IDIOITIC CHILDREN!

Linh: At least we're smarter than you.

Everyone in the whole entire world: *gasps*

Tam: Linh… WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY SISTER?!

Linh: Guys, calm down, it's not the first time I've insulted someone.

Tam: Fangirl, we need to visit Elwin, end this stupid thing and FIX MY SISTER!

Me: Sure, but that would cost 8932 hours 54 minutes and 31 seconds of yelling.

All the KOTLC characters: That can wait.

Me: NO IT CAN'T! AND NOW, WELCOME TO THE YELLING SHOW!

Everyone: *Covers ears*

Me: *Magically glues their hands to their seats* YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE SMART? WELL GET OUTSMARTED BY THE ALMIGHTY PERSON OF AWESOMENESS!

**Yeah, that sounds really cringy. But who cares, review!**


	5. Kevin Durant

**Kevin Durant**

Kevin Durant: Yo, why's everyone here so small?

Me: *sobs* Some people just can't grow past 4' 10", okay? Stop judging.

Sophie: You're only 4' 10"? And I thought I was short.

Me: STOP BULLYING ME!

Dex: Says the bully.

Me: *grumbles*

Keefe: Whoa, I've never seen you speechless before.

Kevin Durant: You know this person? I feel bad for you.

Fitz: I know, I feel bad for me too.

Kevin Durant: I was never talking about you, nimrod.

Keefe: I like this guy.

Tam: Then I have to hate this guy.

Kevin Durant: What?! That's called biasness.

Me: Welcome to this room.

Linh: This is a room? All this empty space reminded me of your brain.

Tam: Dear sister, what is happening to you?

Me: She's becoming last on my favorites list.

Fitz: Am I first on your list?

Me: No, you don't exist on the list.

Fitz: That rhymes! I'll take that.

Kevin Durant: You're really dumber than you look.

Keefe: Speaking of looks… What can you do with those meaty arms of yours?

Kevin Durant: Oh, I play basketball. Not to brag, actually yes to brag, I'm one of the best players.

Fitz: What's basketball?

Keefe: Use your brain, you ignoramus. It involves a basket and a ball.

Me: Yes, the goal is to get the ball in the basket. And he, I gotta say, I'm a pretty great basketball coach.

Kevin Durant: You are? I've never heard of you. Not that I want too.

Me: It's because no one appreciates my coaching. I have the best advice, put the ball in the basket. Not out of it, _in_ it. If you can't understand that, go back to preschool.

Biana: That sounds pretty simple. Pretty boring, if you ask me. You know what should be a more appreciated sport? Who can look the best the fastest. You don't know how much energy you need to use to lift up a bottle of nail polish.

Fitz: Ah, that sport will be another thing I will excel in. With my special eyes, I can do anything.

Biana: You realize I have those same eyes?!

Kevin Durant: Why are you people so obsessed with eyes?

Fitz: Oh, 'cause it makes me so beautiful everyone will fall heads over heels with me.

Biana: And me!

Keefe: Actually, the ideal sport would be seeing who can annoy Councillor Alina the most without her being able to punish you.

Tam: Have any of you got brains? Sports involve physical exertion. The best sport should be who can crush Keefe's head the fastest. It involves a lot of physical activity.

Me: People, I'm the boss here, so I say the sport we're playing is who can give me the most mallowmelt.

Biana: We actually have to play a sport? I call being referee.

Kevin Durant: Since when were you boss? And what's mallowmelt? It sounds like the name of a type of meltdown you have.

Me: YOU'RE NOT QUESTIONING MY LEADERSHIP! And FYI, if I were to name my meltdowns, it would be way more dark.

Tam: Like The Time To Kill Everyone In The World meltdown.

Keefe: Stop helping her.

Me: Nah, it would more be like THE WHY ARE YOU IMBECILES STILL ANNOYING ME?! I WILL NOW TORTURE YOU FOREVER meltdown which I'm about to have because… well just because I feel like it.

Dex: Don't you have to be angry to have a meltdown?

Me: I AM angry. No one is participating in my sport. NOW GIVE ME SOME MALLOWMELT.

Fitz: You really think we're going to do something just because you tell us too?

Me: You want me to tell the world that you still wear diapers because you have an uncontrollable bladder?

Fitz: Hey! How do you know that?

Biana: Say what now.

Keefe: That's why your underwear looked so peculiar when I pantsed you.

Kevin Durant: I'm assuming this type of conversation is normal.

Linh: The word normal does not exist in my dictionary.

Tam: I thought you were smart. Normal means-

Linh: I KNOW WHAT NORMAL MEANS! THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT! *a bucket of water is dumped on Tam's head* By the way, some of that liquid is Fitz's urine.

Fitz: I'm sorry! I just got scared watching her yell.

Kevin Durant: How do you do that?

Linh: It's called, "Linh is way more awesome than you."

Sophie: I'm really worried about you, Linh.

Linh: It's called hormones, I'm having an I Want to Kill Everyone meltdown.

Biana: Can you kill the fangirl, please? I'll give you a free makeover.

Kevin Durant: He, he. PLEASE DON'T KILL ME I WANT TO LIVE!

Me: That was random.

Fitz: Guys. stop yelling. I'm going to need a diaper ten times this size.

Tam: Did everyone forget about me? I think I swallowed some of Fitz's waste.

Keefe: Why'd you do that? That's stupid.

Tam: You're stupid.

Keefe: You're the one who swallowed Fitz's urine!

Tam: That was Linh's fault!

Linh: Stop dragging me into this mess, you know I can get more from where it came from.

Tam: *shuts up*

Keefe: Another point for Lord Hunkyhair.

*Everyone stares at each other because no one knows what to say*

Sophie: *coughs*

Dex: *Clears throat*

Me: Well, Kevin, you haven't talked in quite a few depressing mallowmeltless moments, why don't you say something to break this awkward hate-filled tension.

Kevin Durant: Hey, what am I supposed to say? That you guys shouldn't be arguing because arguments are overrated and reserved for over sophisticated adults who want to sound professional but have no idea what they're saying?

Me: Wasn't that hard, was it?

Fitz: You hear that, people? You really don't need to keep making me wet my pants. Arguments are… Whatever he said.

Dex: Do you even know what Kevin meant?

Fitz: Of course I did, I'm not that stupid.

Dex: How many holes are in a sock?

Fitz: None. Stop staring at me, I don't have anything to hide! I totally don't have a thousand holes in my sock because I haven't changed it in like ten years.

Dex: Uhh… okay. But there are always at least one hole in a sock, otherwise, how are you supposed to put your foot in it? *shakes head* Dumbbut.

Fitz: You and your stupid technical speaking. But I like dumbbut, it sounds cool.

Me: You really are a dumbbut.

Biana: Is dumbbut even a word?

Me: YOU ARE NOT QUESTIONING MY KNOWLEDGE OF WORDS!

Biana: But what if I am?

Me: You are not.

Biana: But I am.

Me: ARRRRRRR! YOU KIDS ARE SO STUPID!

Kevin Durant: That makes you sound like an adult

Me: How do you know I'm not an adult?

Kevin Durant: Well for starters, you're only 4' 10"-

Me: YOU ARE NOT MENTIONING THAT.

Kevin Durant: And you like to yell a lot.

Me: That doesn't prove anything!

Kevin Durant: It proves everything to me.

Me: Can you prove the Theory of Relativity?

Kevin Durant: Well, the Theory of Relativity is about relatives and who you're related to, right?

Sophie: Uhh…

Keefe: Shut up I want to listen to this.

Kevin Durant: So as I was saying, people who yell a certain amount are considered psychopath, which makes that girl a psychopath, and let me mention that one in 25,000 people are born psychopaths. I, thankfully am not one of them, and since psychopaths are related to each other, I'm not related to her. Also, since she's 4' 10" and a shorty, she's even more unrelated to me since I'm 6'10". Bam! All I need to know.

Me: Why does that strangely sort of make sense?

Sophie: Am I related to her?

Kevin Durant: Don't know don't care.

Sophie: Would you figure it out for me if I gave you mallowmelt?

Me: Hey! You're not allowed to offer mallowmelt without giving me some.

Sophie: You know you have a higher chance of getting mallowmelt if you stop torturing us.

Me: Fine. If I end this conversation, will you give me mallowmelt?

Fitz: Yes! I'll give you all the mallowmelt I'll ever get!

Me: *shakes head* Dumbbut. BUT THE MALLOWMELT IS MINE!

**Review, because if you don't I won't give you mallowmelt. We're ignoring the fact that even if you do review, you still won't get mallowmelt because it's all in my stomach. HA!**


	6. Albert Einstein

**Albert Einstein**

Me: Good Morning!

Fitz: What's good about this morning? You've dragged us here at 3:00 A.M for us to endure more yelling and I still haven't done my hair.

Keefe: It's 3:00 P.M for your information. And you look like a rat's nest.

Fitz: Then why did she say good morning? And I look like a bird nest, not a rat nest. Rat's are disgusting.

Keefe: Bird's eat worms.

Fitz: Well rats eat brains.

Biana: Like that weird guy over there?

Albert Einstein: Oh no, these are boogers. They have part of my brain cells in them since my nose connects to my brain so if I eat these they make me smarter.

Dex: What?

Me: It's called logic.

Sophie: Do you actually know what you're doing?

Albert Einstein: Half the time, I don't know what I'm doing. But 3/4ths of the time, what I'm doing is right. So 25% or one fifth-

Sophie: I'm pretty sure it's one fourth.

Albert Einstein: That's what I said. Anyway, one fifth of the time, what I don't know I'm doing is right. And one fifth is greater than half, so therefore, not knowing what you're doing is a good thing.

Biana: And he is…

Me: Albert Einstein

Sophie: Supposedly one of the smartest people in the world. Are you sure you didn't make a mistake and accidently grabbed a psycho off the streets?

Me: I MAKE NO MISTAKES! YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT BY NOW.(Unless it's a typo)

Albert Einstein: Smart is not simply knowing things. I am smarter than everyone else because my brain is able to understand ununderstandable things. I am liberal to topics unexplainable and impossible.

Fitz: So if I want to be smart, all I have to do is be stupid? Sounds easy. One plus one is nine! Behold, the smartest man alive! And that also rhymes! Sort of!

Keefe: I'm not even going to try to comment on that.

Linh: So, I'm assuming you brought this Eyestink guy here to boost your self-confidence.

Me: Are you trying to imply that I think I'm stupid?

Linh: Yeah, it's kind of obvious.

Me: Hey, Thomas Edison's teacher thought he was too stupid to learn anything. I may have potential.

Linh: And Thomas Edison was smart?

Me: I mean, he invented the light bulb.

Linh: Which lead to a rampage use of electricity which led to the overuse of fossil fuels that is leading to climate change. I think he's not smart.

Sophie: How do you know this stuff?

Linh: I am not stupid, honey.

Sophie: But this is human stuff.

Linh: I rest my case. This fangirl is stupid.

Me: EXCUSE ME? HAVE YOU NOT LEARNED A THING? YOU DON'T GO CALLING ME STUPID WITHOUT BEING PUNISHED!

Linh: YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M TIRED OF YOU TELLING ME I CAN'T INSULT YOUR SELF-ESTEEM. YOU ARE ONE VAIN AND CONCEITED MALLOWMELT-ADDICT!

Dex: Oof.

Albert Einstein: You really don't need to yell. If someone kills you, do you kill them?

Linh: But I'm dead, how am I supposed to-

Albert Einstein: Do you kill them? Yes or no?

Linh: No.

Albert Einstein: See? So if someone yells at you, you don't yell back.

Me: Yep, and I have the smartest man in his time period to prove your guilt.

Linh: *Face turns red*

Tam: Don't underestimate her power. She poured pee on me, remember?

Me: You seem to have forgotten the author powers. I can make her dump pee on her own head if I want.

Fitz: Then why don't you?

Linh: DON'T YOU DARE TO GIVE HER IDEAS.

Albert Einstein: Now, now, little girl, I'm pretty sure she has plenty of ideas without the assistance of that boy with weird hair over there.

Linh: DON'T CALL ME LITTLE GIRL. I HAVE FACIAL HAIR!

Everyone: Huh?

Linh: What? Can you see this stuff above my eyes? It's called hair. Idiots.

Keefe: Look who's talking.

Linh: *glares*

Dex: EMBRACE YOURSELVES! Hey! Yours, elves. Never mind, that doesn't make sense. Elves are not yours.

Linh:*Slo-mo rises out of her seat*

Fitz: You know you don't have to take an hour to get out of your-

Linh: DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.

Keefe: I'M SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN A THING I SAID I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE DON'T KILL ME I'LL GIVE YOU MALLOWMELT IF YOU STOP I AM OBSESSED WITH EATING MY HAIR I LOVE YOU SOPHIE.

Linh: Well, you apologized. Unlike some other people in this room. *coughs*

Fitz: Wait a minute, you eat your hair?

Dex: Did anyone hear what he said about Sophie…

Keefe: Hey, that's not fair. I thought I was going to die.

Dex: You said you loved-

Keefe: You know, if anyone should be pestering me about this it should be Fitzyboy or Lady Foss-Boss.

Dex: Stop changing the subject.

Sophie: *at the same time* *clears throat* Can we move on?

Keefe: Yeah, I said I loved her as a sister. You know, you have to love your friends otherwise you have no friends.

Tam: In that case…

Dex: Fitz, why does Keefe eating his hair bother you more than the fact that-

Fitz: Because that's why Keefe's hair is always so perfect. Saliva is the best hair product, see, I just tried it out and it works perfectly.

Tam: Is he still purposely being stupid or what?

Me: Guys, why does no one care that everyone keeps on offering each other mallowmelt and no one is giving me any? I'm starving over here.

Keefe: You ate, like five minutes ago.

Me: That was you eating your hair.

Biana: Well if you want food so badly, why don't you let us go so you can eat like a pig in private?

Me: I will take that as a compliment. BUT IF YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO GET OUT OF THIS EASILY, YOU THOUGHT WRONG! Actually you thought right and I really need to eat so get your buts out of here.

Dex: But we still haven't figured out what Keefe-

Me: I SAID GET OUT.

**Sorry I haven't posted in a long time. I was busy spending my time stuffing my face with mallowmelt. **

Albert Einstein: I'm just going to say something right now so that the fangirl won't end every one of her stories with her yelling. Get burned. Did I use that correctly? I don't know. 21st-century slang is so hard to follow.


End file.
